Life's Amazing Surprise's... Part 2

Each of them described two or three women they had looked at through these store windows as if they were purchasing a new coat or piece of jewelry they would where for a few hours. It was so interesting how different each of them embraced their physical vision of what they were seeing through the window. He described there physical body parts and the tone and muscle structure as if the women were empty shells that were at his disposal just for physical pleasure. Like a new toy that needed to be broken in but not in a hurtful way. She described them as if they were a piece of art that needed to be appreciated because of there beauty. You could hear the admiration and compassion she felt as she looked upon them through the store windows.

I am probably more open then most to trying new things sexually and experiencing any all forms of pleasure with my partner. But do I want to share that part of us that truly connects our being’s in every form , physically, mentally ,soulfully, that moment when we are making pure untouched , unconditional love with out fear. When nothing else matters but the moment and what we are experiencing with each other. Do I want to share that with someone I don’t even know? Does it damage the intimacy forever? Are you giving away something that as a couple you can’t get back. Is it worth a few moments of instant gratification? Is it worth taking the chance that you will always wonder whether or not that moment of pleasure from someone else haunts your partner?

I was amazed at there trust for each other to be able to sexually explore one another’s desire to be intimate with another human being in each other’s presence. But is that what they were doing? Were they being intimate or was it just sex in it’s most robotic form. Each of them spoke of the experience with a different tone of understanding and compassion as well as excitement.



As I listened to each of them I wondered what it was like to be in that position ,to love someone ,to make a commitment to respect and share each other in every form. To take vows to honor one another with respect, love, devotion through sickness and in health till death do you part and invite a stranger to be a part of that intimacy.

I had been married ,not legally in the laws eyes but absolutely and completely in my eyes and heart. And it was wonderful for a time but it was only a road to the path I am on now. A lesson in recovering from a shattered heart. A lesson I hold very close to my soul because it was one of the most painful lessons I have ever been through.Will you feel inadequate or see something different when you are making love to your partner and they are at there pleasure point? Will you wonder if they are with you or some where your not allowed to be anymore? Does it create, jealousy and insecurity because of the intimacy factor?
I’m not sure but I don’t think I would want to take that chance and I definitely know that I wouldn’t want to share something that was meant for me and the woman I love with someone else. Especially someone I wasn’t connected to. Maybe if I loved that person and trusted them and me and my partner both felt safe enough to invite them into that sacred place we shared together.

I wondered who decided that this would be good for there relationship ,was it her or him? Did he mention it in passing and she go along with it just to please him or was it a fantasy of hers to be with a woman? Which I could absolutely see her with a woman or maybe it wasn’t about her being with a women. Maybe it was about her wanting to feel something ,anything other then the disconnect that there seemed to be with her husband. They were really good with each other ,well actually ,she was really good with him. Especially when he got obnoxious, her demeaner never really changed ,it was like she was on autopilot. It reminded me of my baby sister when the kids were all talking to her at once and she didn’t hear a thing and didn’t break a sweat. It was like she had disappeared some where in her head and was unreachable ,until you shook her back to consciousness.

She didn’t speak unless she truly had something to say, he overtalked her and although you knew he loved her ,there was something major missing between them. You could tell she was really good at observing and evaluating a situation. I watched and listened as they interacted with each other but I didn’t feel any kind of sexual interaction at all. It was as if they were brother and sister or mother and son. Since this was my first encounter with them and I really new nothing about either of them, My

My reaction to each of them seemed kind of over the top. I kept thinking ,what is it that keeps them together, it seemed as if there was something missing. A gap between each of them, a conversation gap ,an emotional gap, a spiritual gap, I wasn’t quite sure, I definitely needed to be around them more to put my finger on it.

As the night went on and they continued to drink ,which at the time I didn’t realize ,she wasn’t really a drinker, he was definitely a drinker but she wasn’t. The problem with me is I usually continue to have drinks ready for my customer’s as long as they want and sometimes I do it automatically when there drink is low. That night I was doing just that,when her drink I was automatically putting another one in front of her and because it was in front of her she drank it. But like I said she really isn’t a drinker and the more she drank the more she talked and the more intrigued I became.

Imagine this, I have seen and experienced many forms of indecency and dysfunction through my upbringing. I have been exposed to sexual deviates, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic ,emotional and physical abuse and basic insanity. Teen pregnancy and abortion, childbirth and parenting. Survived the murder of someone I loved and the untimely death of another woman I loved. Fell down ,got back up and got kicked down more times then I can count. But through all of it I still believe that Love is the most precious ,amazing thing there is on the planet.

My heart still skips a beat with gratitude when I meet and experience a moment of unconditional love from or for another human being. My heart without question is always searching and waiting and aware of every soul I meet even in passing. Because I believe that I am on the path to meet my counter part ,my soul mate if you want to call it that. All though I feel we have many soul mates ,many people through out our lives are brought or summoned by us some how so that we can learn and grow for a moment in time together.

I have learned so many important things from so many amazing people through out this life time. Each lesson has brought me closer to what I believe to be my “bliss”. I am sure your wondering what I mean by my “Bliss”. I will try to explain it as simply as possible. that moment that leads to a lifetime of moments when you know with every part of you that you are exactly where you belong doing what you were meant to do with whoever you were meant to do it with. PURE Joy and Happiness without insecurity ,jealousy, resentment, anger or possessiveness. Love at its most primal state without fear or pettiness and unconditional understanding of all that you come in contact with.

I have searching and waiting for the opportunity to embrace my Bliss for a very long time. My life had become a series of well needed lessons but some how I still felt that the most important lesson and purpose of this lifetime had not yet arrived. That is until she walked into my life. Now, at the time of our first meeting I new there was something different about my amazing new friend but I hadn’t quite put it together in my head or allowed to enter it to enter into my heart.

Our first encounter was a significant step to where we are today, by the end of the night the two of them were pretty toasted. For some insane reason I didn’t know they were driving ,I actually thought they were from out of town. Maybe it was because Gretchen had mentioned that they had been living in Arizona. Either way ,once I realized they were driving I was horrified. I knew that neither of them were in any shape to get behind the wheel. I tried to talk them into taking a cab but her husband was persistent about being ok to drive. I was so afraid that something would happen to my new friends and I needed to know that they got home safe. So I gave her my phone number and asked her to call me or text me when they got home so I would know they were ok.

While they were sitting at the bar in between the many conversation about so many different subjects, some light some heavy, I had received a lot of information on each of them but still was not clear on how they ended up together. Before they left I went to give each of them a hug goodbye. Bill first and then Gretchen but as I went to give Gretchen a hug she put her open lips on mine and parted them with her tongue ever so gently that I couldn’t resist returning the kiss. She was so gentle yet passionate and I felt this surge of awakening that sent out an almost instant flow of stimulating energy through me. We kissed for a matter of seconds before I realized where I was. Which was at work in the middle of the restaurant and now I’m a little flustered because it was definitely not what I expected. Once we stopped kissing and I stepped back from her she started to apologize. Which definitely wasn’t needed. I thoroughly enjoyed the kiss and definitely wanted more. She was a great kisser, her lips were so familiar or maybe it wasn’t her lips ,maybe it was her energy. At that moment I wanted her but in my head I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t because she was married, it seems like so long ago.

After we were done kissing ,she excused herself and went to the bathroom, her husband who of course had been watching us kiss, looked at me and made a comment about getting a hotel room. This was definitely not happening, By the time he made the comment Gretchen was already on her way back from the ladies room. Thank god, because I was not up to dealing with any kind of pressure from her husband about the three of us sleeping together or him watching or whatever kind of scenario he may have created in his head. I wanted her but I definitely wasn’t interested in a threesome. He made a couple more comments and I explained that I had to work and I wouldn’t be done for a while besides the fact that I wasn’t interested in a threesome.

I was definitely intrigued with her and wanted to know more, to feel more, to embrace more of her energy, it was so inviting and refreshing. There was something so pure and wonderful about her being and I knew she would be a part of the next chapter in my life in some way. At the time I just didn’t imagine or comprehend how much of an impact that first kiss would be on my soul. The problem was I was so overwhelmed with the fact that she was married that I automatically put myself in a mental safety zone. I guess you could compare it to a protective auto pilot. We had talked about hanging out the next night and maybe getting a drink somewhere ,the three of us, so when they left ,she told me she would give me a call the next day, I thought if she does great if she doesn’t ,that’s ok to.

They walked out the door and wasn’t really sure if I would see them ever again but something inside me kept saying ,she will be back or at least I hope she will anyway. The next day late in the afternoon I did get a text telling me she was so sick she couldn’t function. I felt so bad for her ,I told her I hoped she felt better and we would get together another time. I felt horrible because I didn’t know she didn’t drink and I fed her way to much liquor. So now that I knew she wasn’t a drinker I would make sure she was ok the next time she came to visit.

About two weeks after that, they came in again, when she walked in with Bill, who obnoxiously sat down and told me he wanted one of my specialty drinks, which I basically created especially for him. So as I made his drink and hers ,she sat down at the bar and asked how I was ,I couldn’t help but take myself back to that kiss and how it made me feel. Her smile automatically made me smile and the sound of her voice was so comforting and enticing. She actually made me a little bit nervous and I don’t get nervous.

I kind of fumbled around and tried to be cool but ended up breaking a glass in the process. Bill could see I was a little jittery but I’m sure he had know idea why. Wow, I don’t remember the last time I was nervous around a woman, any woman at that. Here I was trying to pull my shit together so she wouldn’t notice. We started talking about whatever was going on with me, she asked a lot of questions and was really attentive to what I was saying. I loved to listened to her speak ,she was really smart and intuitive and knew what she was talking about but also great at listening ,extremely compassionate and understanding about everything and anything.

All I kept thinking about while I listened to her talk ,I couldn’t help but wish Bill wasn’t there so I could really get to know her better. As other customer’s came in and I attended to them ,I could feel the energy between us and all I wanted to do was be at that end of the bar so I could be as close to her as possible. But I had know idea why, the craziest thing was how much I just wanted to touch her. I nonchalantly would reach over the bar to and touch her hand which I just wanted to feel in mine. I wasn’t sure why I was so drawn to her but something kept me right there.

Every so often Bill would make some comment about how he knew I wanted his wife, which I thought was kind of funny. I absolutely did want her but I wasn’t sure how or why. She was definitely beautiful, breathtaking actually. And I felt a strange but familiar connection when I looked in her eye’s ,it was as if I could see inside her and she could see through me. Now this doesn’t happen with me I don’t just let anyone see the real me, I have learned to become a master at keeping my self protected from whoever. I had become accustomed to having total control over my emotions and my feelings. And no matter who or what came along ,when needed I could always shut down and shut out whatever or whoever seemed to be getting to close.

Throughout the night I try to spend as much time talking to both of them as possible, as Bill continued to drink he became more and more outspoken or forward. At one point, Gretchen got up and went to the bathroom ,I could tell she was getting a little toasted.,by the way she walked to the bathroom. The reason I know she was getting buzzed was because I couldn’t help but watch, she was hot and god she had nice ass and legs to die for. Bill caught me watching her and smiling as she walked away,” I give you permission, he said with a smile. “ Permission for what?” I asked him confused with a smirk. “I give you permission to sleep with my wife.” he replied with confidence. “Mmnn, don’t you think maybe Gretchen should give me permission? ”I couldn’t help but be sarcastic at this point.

“She thinks your hot and she wants to sleep with you.” “Really, I said. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach gathering. By this time she was on her way back to the bar. “ So your husband just gave me permission to sleep with you.” I said to her with a half smile. “ He did ,did he“, she said without looking at me. “I told him he shouldn’t be giving you away especially to me ,you may not want to go back to him once you have been with me.” I said with confidence and a little sarcasm.

By now I am so not thinking about sleeping with her because it become like a game and I’m not really good at game’s. I feel something much bigger going on between us and I know I want to be next to her and I am definitely attracted to her but I don’t want to just have sex with her. There is definitely something else going on and to just fuck her just because he wanted us to or even if that’s all she wanted . That’s not what I wanted. The night went on and he went on about how we should sleep together and he wouldn’t be involved but I could tell that wasn’t what he wanted.

So the night ended, they went home and I continued doing what I do best. Socializing and making myself available to whoever needs me. But she was always there in the back o my mind and that kiss kept creeping up every so often. Every couple of weeks they would come in and have dinner and a few drinks. Bill seemed to be steadily drinking more and more every time they came in. And I noticed that they were interacting differently. Gretchen seemed to be a little uneasy with Bills behavior once he reached a certain point with his drinking.

So I would try to slow him down a bit ,it was bizarre but I could feel her uneasiness and I wanted to prevent it ,to protect her from it. I didn’t even know this women and I wanted to protect her from her husbands bad behavior. Once he drank to much he would make rude comments about the waitress, sexual comments that didn’t need to be said in front of his wife. It was amazing to me that he could be so disrespectful to her ,it was fucking irritating. All I wanted to do was take her home and show her how should be treated.

I kept thinking if I had a wife as amazing as her I would never treat her like that. I have been waiting a lifetime to meet someone as wonderful as she was. I didn’t think he deserved her and I still don’t, I think she deserves so much more then whatever he may be giving her. In my head all I keep thinking is ,if he treats her like this in public ,then whats it like at home.

Oh well there was nothing I could do about it ,they were married and she loved him. It was frustrating to know that I would kill to have someone as wonderful as her in my life ,by my side. If I met the person I was meant to embrace the rest of my life with, that would probably be the beginning of my journey to my “Bliss” and hopefully theirs.




In late September Bill and Gretchen came in with a friend from out of town.She was actually someone that Gretchen had gone to elementary school with. When they walked in, my gaydar was up and running. They sat in there usual spot at the end corner of the bar and Gretchen introduced her friend to me. ”Kim this is Lisa.” I’m sorry but she absolutely looked like a lesbian or gave me the total lesbian vibe ,hard core dyke, actually. And she wasn’t in a very good mood, she definitely was defensive towards me,I new I was going to have to work my charm double time to get a smile out of her.

So I gave them all a drink and handed them some menus. It felt so good to see Gretchen, she just automatically brought a smile to my face. Her aura and her energy was so invigorating. I just wanted to be as close as possible. After a few minutes Bill and Lisa went out for a cigarette and Gretchen quickly gave me the 411 on Lisa.She had just lost her mom and was having a real hard time. At least that explained a little bit about her attitude. Even though I she was obviously gong through a hard time because of the death of her mom, there was something else going on.

She definitely had a chip on her shoulder but I new by the end of the night I would et her to loosen up. Gretchen did her usual check in with me, asking me what was up and how things were with the girls. I gave her a quick update and told her with excitement how I had finally finished my book I was writing.

She was so cute ,“So when do I get to read it?” It so happened that I had the manuscript with me and I was ecstatic that she wanted to read it. So right after she asked me I handed her the manuscript, ”Here you go.” “So ,are you sure you trust me with this?” she ask me with the most sincere smile. “Of course ,” I replied with a smirk, if you really want to read it. “ Can you hold it till we are ready to leave? “ Sure, I said as I put it behind the bar. After I set the manuscript down I looked up at Gretchen and she had this smile with a little bit of a sparkle in those big beautiful blue eye’s of hers. “I can’t believe you finished it.” That’s so cool.” she said as she kind shook her head.

I should have ask her why she was shaking her head but she like I said before ,she made me a little nervous. Whenever she came in or I spoke to her ,I could help but smile and I always had butterflies but literally did my best to ignore them. I mean after all she is married and the way she made me feel was like nothing I had ever felt with a woman. As the night went on other people came into the bar and sat down ,actually two other couples. One couple came in to eat and the kitchen was closed so I gave them my dinner which I ordered and put away so I could eat later when I had time.

After a while ,some how everyone ended up at the same end of the bar, talking and joking and having a good time. I could tell Bill was getting drunk because he was getting a little bit loud and boisterous. But he was still ok, Gretchen and Lisa seemed to be having there own conversation, I could see that Lisa was into Gretchen a little bit by the way she kept giving me the evil eye every time I said anything to her. I was a little uncomfortable with the stares but I didn’t care ,I still tried to be a s close as possible to Gretchen as I could.

After a while Gretchen made a couple of comments about Lisa’s attitude and her rude behavior. She was kind of apologizing for her which was sweet but unnecessary. I got to tell you ,I was just relieved that she hadn’t brought her in to try to hook her up with me. That’s exactly what I thought was going on when they all first came in. Thank goodness that wasn‘t the case, me and Gretchen had talked so many times about my dating issues and she did tell me she was going to find my next girlfriend for me. I’m just glad she didn’t put Lisa on that list.

Don’t misunderstand me, Lisa seemed like a good person, well once you broke through that tough girl exterior. I’m sure she is a big pussycat and she was cute, not my type in any form. Definitely loyal and seemed like she would be a good friend to have in your corner if things got a little rough. I am definitely looking for a lover not a fighter and was definitely a fighter. Throughout the night bill and Lisa kept stepping outside to smoke and that was when I basically had Gretchen to myself for a few seconds. God ,she was beautiful and I loved listening to her. She always had something good to say about whatever she was talking about, always looking on the upside and I love that. I don’t meet to many people that think like that.

After a few more drinks Gretchen told me she had a book she picked up for me that she wanted me to read. She said it would change my life, her and Bill both said it would change the way I looked at things. “I would loved to read it.” I said. “Good ,me and Lisa are going to walk to the truck and get it” and off they went. Me and Bill talked about basic shit, and he and the other two couples started interacting. He bought everyone a shot and they all continued to make drunken conversation.

This is the night that I realized I had feelings for Gretchen, when her and Lisa got back, she handed me the book ,the title,” Many Lives, Many Masters” it was a book about
past life regression , which made me even more intrigued with her. Initially I felt like we already new each other but I hadn’t really thought about a past life, to be truthful. I just felt like she was already part of my being and that made no sense. What was really bizarre was the fact that she was always in the back of my mind. But this night we had a woman from LA. Who was coming on to everyone. I mean she was all over Bill and he wasn’t exactly pushing her away. Basically he was encouraging the attention which was disrespectful and hurtful as far as I was concerned. Lets not even talk about Lisa ,she was ready to bust a beer bottle over his head.

I tried to keep an eye on Gretchen and I kept asking if she was ok. ”I’m fine ,I don’t care, it doesn’t bother me.” she swore to me. “Ok, I didn’t know what to do ,It wasn’t my call. I tried to slow his drinking down by not putting as much Liquor in his drinks ,more juice and I put water in front of him. He would just get pissed at me because he was a big boy and he didn’t want anyone telling him what to do. Even though Gretchen said she was ok I knew she wasn’t. She had a look in her eyes I hadn’t seen before. A lost hurt look that made my heart hurt. I could feel her anxiety building but she was so calm. After a few minutes Bill and LA and Lisa went out to smoke, while they were out smoking Gretchen pulled me towards her and kissed me. After she kissed me I stood back at that moment something inside me changed. It was like a switch went off inside me. Everything seemed to get a little crazy after a few more minutes. Everyone was dancing and singing and making out with each other. LA ended up outside with Lisa and they made out ,then she came inside and was hitting on me. She tried to corner me and kiss me ,I wanted nothing to do with her.